I really don't understand people sometimes

Over the past few years, I have been having getting very frustrated with people due to what they say during our conversations. Maybe it's because I am a mature adult who considers other people's feelings and use perception to see how people react to my words, while other people just say whatever they want, even if it's very rude. It's not just rude things, either, but how people don't recognize their mistakes in conversation AND FIX THEM. Here are a bunch of examples. I am sure there are more, but these are the ones that really, really bug me:

1) The Press-Me-Constantly-About-My-Name Conversation:

    Person: "Hi Cris, nice to meet you. What's your REAL name?"
    Me: "I go by the name Cris"
    Person: "Ha ha, no really, what's your real name?"

This goes on and on until I finally cave and say my name once. I then say: "Don't ever call me that though because I go by the name Cris" There are two different responses that I get to this EVERY TIME: (a) "Okay, sure, CRYSTAL...ha ha" (b) "Why don't you like your real name? It's SO beautiful!"

Okay, WHY does this ever even have to come up? If I introduce myself as 'Cris', why do you even care about the details of my birth name? Just call me 'Cris' and leave it at that. When YOU introduce yourself to me, I never say: "Can you please tell me your first, middle, and last names? What's your social security number? Your date of birth?" Etc. Because these details don't matter. All that matters is that I am honoring you with my name, so that we can get to know each other and perhaps become friends. By pressing me for this pointless information, it tells me that you are pushy, nosy, and not worth the hassle of getting to know.

Also, if option b happens, this is frustrating too. WHAT on earth are you expecting as my reaction?!? I don't understand. Are you expecting me to say: "Really? You think my full name is beautiful? Golly, thanks! I will start going by that name now instead of 'Cris'! Thanks for making me realize all of this! Wow!" I am not going to say this. WHY are you bothering complimenting a name that I clearly dislike? Just call me 'Cris' and leave the whole thing alone.


2) The Constant-Correction-Of-My-Name Conversation.

Let me start by saying that I am guilty of this sometimes. But here is where I am different from others: When I make a mistake about your name, I apologize and think about it over and over and feel really bad and I NEVER MAKE THE MISTAKE AGAIN!

An example: One time at Christmas, I called one of my cousins by his childhood name, 'Nicky'. He was just becoming a teenager at the time and he responded shortly to me: "I go by 'Nick' now." I immediately apologized and felt terrible about it. When I got home that day, I looked at his picture and said "Nick. Nick. Nick. Etc." Over and over and over and over, until I stopped seeing him in my head as 'Nicky' anymore. Clearly, this was something that was important to him, so I did everything that I could to respect that. Now, every time I see him, I call him 'Nick'. I am pretty sure that I will never make that mistake again. I don't know if he realizes it, but it's still important to ME that I never offend someone that is important to me.

Here's where it gets frustrating: People don't seem to take the time to care for ME the way that I care for them. I still have countless people in my life that call me by my full name. They are my friends on facebook, which clearly states my name as 'Cris'. They are both friends and family members, who get letters and presents from me with my name clearly stated as 'Cris'. They are people who constantly get corrected by me, first politely, then more and more coldly. They never seem to learn. I don't understand it. WHY don't these people care for me the way that I care for them? WHY don't these people try to fix their mistakes? If anyone has an idea or theory, let me know. Because every time someone close to me calls me by my full name, I think they don't care for my feelings the way that I care about theirs. And it hurts.

This is where I will give a shout-out to my husband Paul. When we were friends in high school, he never asked me about my preference for 'Cris'. To this day, he has never called me by my full name. At our wedding, he told the pastor that he was calling me 'Cris'. The pastor tried to explain that legally he needed to say my full name just once, and Paul refused. I love him so much for never, ever, trying to change me or push me about something that I am very sensitive about. :)

3) The Kid-Conversation

There are a few different ways that kids are brought up to me and Paul in conversation: (a) Why don't you have kids yet? (b) When are you having kids? (c) Why aren't you interested in having kids?

All three of these questions are incredibly rude. This topic is something private and intimate for the couple only. Even if you are a family member, it is NONE of your business until we approach it and tell you of our own free will. For example, we took both sets of parents aside early on and told them that we were never having children. End of story. But why do strangers, siblings, distant relatives, friends, acquaintances, etc. think that they have the right to ask us these private questions?!? What if I was unable to have kids or was having multiple miscarriages? Neither is true, but if it WAS, your questions could break my heart. If you think about it, there is no way at all that these questions can have a positive outcome. They are, plain and simple, terribly inconsiderate questions. You should be ashamed of yourselves for asking ANYONE these things. And yet, I get asked these questions all of the time. I cannot believe that so many people in this world are so rude and/or don't think about other people when they open their big mouths.


4) The Try-To-Convince-Me-To-Have-Kids Conversation

Person: "But children are a gift from God!!!"
Okay, what on earth do you expect to hear as my reaction to this!?!? ARGH. You would not believe how many times I hear this argument. I always wonder what you expect from me. Do you really think that this simple, not-even-really-an-argument line is going to change our opinions?!? Do you expect me to react by having my eyes get wide and say: "Golly. Wow! Really? Paul, did you hear? A gift from God! Oh my goodness, well, that changes everything! Golly, Golly, Golly! I am going to have SO many babies now!"

Sorry to burst your bubble, but I am not going to say that. I am not a stupid, foolish, impulsive person. I am a mature adult. Paul and I have had many, MANY conversations about children and those conversations are none of your business. At the end of every one of those conversations, we strongly, 100% agreed that we were not interested in having kids. So leave us alone. Stop trying to convince us otherwise. Why can't we be the best aunt and uncle ever and leave it at that?

Do you see me going up to people that have kids and doing the opposite: "WHY did you decide to have kids? Don't you know that kids are expensive? Etc." If I did that, it would be pretty dang rude, wouldn't it? So why do people think that it's okay to do the opposite?!? I wish that I could say that only strangers and acquaintances did this. However, even close family members and friends think that they have good arguments to change our minds. Please, I am begging you. STOP asking us about kids! I have a WHOLE list of reasons why I do not want to have kids, and you know what? I am not going to share them with people because I don't want to offend people who have kids or want to have kids. If I don't want to offend YOU, can't you do me the same courtesy and try not to offend US? Can't we all be mature, perceptive adults?

5) The How-Old-Are-You-Exactly Conversation.
I do not understand our culture and its' obsession with age. WHY does it matter to know EXACTLY how old I am? I understand the government and doctors need to know my date of birth. But why do other people care? I know so many people who go on and on and on about the ages of everyone in the group:
A) "You are two years older than me, and I still hang out with you! How crazy" (Why does this matter? After high school, everyone is about the same maturity level. Age doesn't matter anymore!)

B) Person: "How old are you, Cris?"
     Me: "I am in my twenties"
     Person: "Ha ha, no really. How old are you?"
     Me: "I actually don't know anymore. I stopped keeping track when I turned 18"
     Person: "Ha ha. What year were you born?"
     Me: "It doesn't matter."
     Person: "No really. I need to know how old you are..."
They will keep pressing like annoying little pests until I cave. I usually say that I am 18, so they go to Paul or Rick, ask for their age, and assume that I am the same age as them. This pisses me off so much. Clearly, I do not want to know my age. Clearly, I think this conversation is rude and I try to make a joke out of it. Clearly, I think your obsession with knowing exactly how old I am is stupid. Yet you do not rest until you know. WHY? WHY does this matter so much to you? Just shut up about it and LEAVE ME ALONE.

C) I get facebook messages AND birthday cards in which people say "Happy ##st Birthday!" I write back or call and say: "I do not care to know exactly how old I am. So please stop doing this. They ignore my requests and keep doing it! I throw away their cards and delete their facebook messages. They write new ones! WHY do they think this is funny?!? You are being rude and mean. You are not funny. I am not pleased. When you do this, I feel like excluding you from my life permanently because you clearly do not care about my feelings.

I do not understand people's obsession with age. I figure that I am as young as I feel and as young as I want to be. When you hurl exact numbers at me, you make me feel depressed about being old and make me depressed because you clearly do not care about my feelings. STOP being so mean to me! Why would you want to be mean to people that you care about? I don't understand.



Okay, whew. I no longer feel like punching the next person I meet who makes these mistakes. I feel better just getting it all out in this blog. If you are reading this post and find yourself guilty of any of these things, to me or to other people, if possible, can you explain why it happens? I simply cannot understand why people say these kind of things to other people. I would love to understand, so if you have any ideas, please share them.

Thanks for reading! :)

Why do I want to move to South Carolina?

People keep asking me why Paul and I want to move to South Carolina. So I thought I would make a long list of reasons. I am sure there are more, but this is a good start:

1) It's not crappy Wisconsin! We hate it here so much. I should make a list of 'why I hate Wisconsin' someday...

2) We love the idea that we can fish almost all year round, instead of up here in the north, where the lakes freeze over (we think ice fishing is lame)

3) Upstate South Carolina (where we want to live) has mountains for us to go on hikes! I can't wait to live minutes from excellent hiking conditions. (Here in Milwaukee, I can't even go for a walk around the block by myself because there are too many creepy people)

4) In Upstate SC, we can live on lakefront property for relatively cheap (and catch 50 pound striper bass every day!) AND we can fish on the ocean with relative ease (it's only 3.5 hours away)

5) Paul has always wanted to live somewhere without snow. I love snow, but it DOES result in less fishing. It was difficult for me to agree to move somewhere where I can't shovel snow, but fishing always wins. :)

6) Paul has family members living in the area, so we can actually live by family again! And my parents have always wanted to move to SC, so hopefully when we move down there, they won't be far behind. And my brother Jim and his fiance' are thinking about moving to the Carolinas someday, so we might live by them as well! I can't stand being alone in this awful state. I love family.

7) Our best friends (at least Kyle and Rick, still working on Kevin/Amanda...) are willing to move to SC with us due to the weather and fishing conditions. :)

8) There are teaching jobs available in the Carolinas! I would gladly move to Michigan if there were teaching jobs AND we could fish all year long. Sorry Michigan, SC has you beat.

9) There is a good herb community in the Carolinas! I have been obsessed with gardening and studying the cooking and medicinal potential of herbs, and there are many schools and clubs in the Carolinas that focus on herbs. I can't wait to learn more and get connected!

10) There are multiple 'active young people' clubs available to join in Upstate SC. We can join a casual hiking group, a canoeing group, etc.

11) There are not many fishing guides in Upstate SC, and Paul senses an opening there that he can possibly fill. He has always wanted to be a fishing guide...

Well, that's all I can think of right now. We are so excited to  live somewhere where we can be more active and social. I can't wait!